Sometimes you just wish that you’d taken the time to wash your hair.
Not for the sake of the cleanliness of the hair but for the time it takes.
By spending 10 minutes more in one place you might just avoid wasting time and money in another place.
Next time I will wash my hair.
How do you plan a future when everything feels uncertain? When you have no idea in which direction to go? Should I apply for school and get another degree, possibly a more useful one, even though I have no idea how I would support myself while studying for another five years or so? Should I keep my cool and wait for something that I could imagine myself working with to appear? My mind changes from one day to the next and I keep waiting for something to catch my attention, something that says “this is it”.
I’m fine right now. I get by quite well on my earnings-related unemployment allowance (that I can get for a maximum of 500 days) thanks to the fact that I got paid a proper salary for the last six months of working at the university. Really, and this is what makes me really really pissed, the unemployment allowance together with the general housing allowance I get sums up to around only 70 euros less per month than I got when I was working on grants for all those years. Why the hell did I work for so little for so many years?! And why do so many people do it, especielly when working on a grant doesn’t include so many of the rights that a normal salary does? Like health care. Or earnings-related unemployment allowance. I think I’ve kind of earned my time off everything.
But still, the uncertainty bothers me.
I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day, I’ve spent too many of them alone, feeling lonely. Five years ago a decided to take an “Introduction to mysore class” yoga course over the Valentine’s Day weekend in an attempt to avoid and ignore the whole thing. Five years later I have to say that that was probably the best thing I have ever done for myself. Not only am I much healthier and feeling much better both on a physical and mental level than five years ago. Yoga has also inspired me to travel to places I would otherwise never have seen and to look deeply into myself. Through yoga I’ve gained an understanding and acceptance of myself that I would probably not otherwise have found. Through yoga I’ve met so many people I would otherwise never have met, I’ve gained many new friends, a few which are the best ones I have. Through yoga I found my loved one. So maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad after all. But don’t expect we to get very excited over it, that’s just not me.
My new washing machine arrived today! Just in time as I have a lot of practice clothes that needs washing. It was a little more expensive than I could really afford but I decided on one that can be filled from the front, not the top, as I’m tired of always lifting down the stuff I keep on the washing machine when I need to do laundry.
Practice is fine and even Vasisthasana is gaining some stability. But I’ve been suffering from especially neck pain but also some shoulder pain the last few months. Yesterday a friend of mine who is studying a kind of traditional Finnish treatment method for treating muscle and joint pain (jäsenkorjaus) gave my back, neck and shoulder a treatment. It felt nice and seems like a treatment method that would suit me. My neck feels slightly better today, so does my shoulder. I can feel the biggest difference in the hip/lower back area where there seems to be more space. I hope the neck will get better still but I decided to leave out all the head stands for at least a few days, maybe longer, to see if that will help also.
The choices we make. Sometimes so easy and obvious we don’t even have to think about them. Sometimes everything but easy, absolutely not obvious and possibly surprising, even to ourselves. Are the choices we make the right ones? Who knows. But maybe, if we really listen to our hearts before making our choices, we can have faith in ourselves and believe that we do make the right ones.
The laundry machine broke. Or at least a piece of metal came lose from somewhere, I don’t know where, so even if the machine still might work I’m too afraid to use it. The machine has served me well. It was a cheap machine of some undefinable label that my dad bought for me 13 or 14 years ago when I moved away from home. Even the shortest washing program seemed to last for hours. It was probably not economic regarding neither power nor water. But still, did it have to break? Oh, the agony of deciding what kind of machine to buy next… I need a new machine quickly as there’s no laundry room in my building. And while washing my clothes by hand was a possibility in India I don’t really see that happening here in Finland in the winter. I know, this whole thing is really a very small issue compared to so many other things, but still so very annoying.
Day two of the first of third and a slightly more stable Vasisthasana. Five breaths on this side, five breaths on that side. In the end it’s just another asana. And Karandavasana still continues to be my nemesis. But also in Karandavasana there is some progress. It’s a slow journey, but it’s what we learn on the journey that matters. It’s what becomes the story of our lives.